*Please disregard (or embrace) the blatant mixing of holiday references. We're kind of into that.

Think that kosher living isn't quite far enough? Why limit yourself to not eating shellfish and pork when you could knock an entire food-group out of your eating repertoire?!
That's right, folks! I'm talking about a flesh-free Festival of Lights. Five recipes. Zero meats(?).
One amazazing Hanukkah dinner.

Not Your Bubeleh's Matzo Balls

1 box of Mrs. Manischewitz Matzo Ball & Soup Mix

Prepare according to box, except when you're making your balls follow these three simple steps:
1. Pretend beer is water.
2. Add lots of cheddar cheese.
3. Brag about how cool you are.

via Brother C

A Very Fresh Salad

Add equal parts:
Chopped Cilantro (you’ll probably want to use at least one or two full bunches)
about half as much….
Napa Cabbage &
Spring Greens
Then, add some…
thinly sliced:
Granny Smith Apples &
Honey Crisp Apples
lots and lots of:
Pomegranate Seeds &
Carmelized Onions
To carmelize the onions, warm a pan on stove top and drizzle with olive oil. When the pan is hot, add the sliced onions. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, and sugar (the sugar will help them carmelize). As soon as the onions begin to turn brown, add a generous amount of white wine, vinegar, diced garlic, and salt. Allow the mixture to reduce for approximately 5 minutes--then fish out the onions and let them cool. Save the remaining liquid and turn it into a dressing by adding honey, coriander, brown sugar, olive oil, pepper, and more vinegar and wine (as needed).
Mix everything together, add the dressing and— voilà! 
You have an uber-scrumptious--supremely fresh salad 

Smash Latkes

Baked Eggs

  • 1/4 teaspoon minced fresh garlic
  • 1/4 teaspoon minced fresh rosemary leaves
  • 1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley
  • 1 tablespoon freshly grated Parmesan
  • 6 eggs
  • 2 tablespoons heavy cream
  • 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • Toasted French bread or brioche, for serving
Preheat the broiler for 5 minutes. Combine the garlic, rosemary, parsley, and Parmesan and set aside. Crack 3 eggs into each of 2 teacups without breaking the yolks. (It's very important to have all the eggs ready to go before you start cooking.) Place 2 individual gratin dishes on a baking sheet. Place 1 tablespoon of cream and 1/2 tablespoon of butter in each dish and place under the broiler for about 3 minutes, until hot and bubbly. Quickly, but carefully, pour 3 eggs into each gratin dish and sprinkle evenly with the herb mixture, then sprinkle liberally with salt and pepper. Place back under the broiler for 5 to 6 minutes, until the whites of the eggs are almost cooked. (Rotate the baking sheet once if they aren't cooking evenly.) The eggs will continue to cook after you take them out of the oven. Serve hot with toasted bread, .

Flourless Chocolate Torte with Almond Cream and Raspberry Reduction
(partially stolen from Z and Shalom on the Range)

1 pound chocolate chips
1/2 cup butter
5 eggs, separated (they're still hoping to work it out - for the kids)
1 tablespoon vanilla
1/4 cup sugar
more sugar
whipping cream
almond extract
even more sugar

Preheat you oven to 250°F. Melt the chocolate chips and the butter over low heat. Beat your egg yolk and vanilla until combined, and add the melted chocolate. In a new bowl, beat the egg whites until soft peaks form. Gradually add sugar, and continue to beat until stiff peaks form. Fold in the chocolate mixture to the egg whites by thirds. Grease a 9 inch spring form pan, cut a circle of parchment paper for the bottom, grease the circle, and dust with cocoa. Spread the torte batter into the pan and bake until a toothpick comes out clean (about 40 minutes). Cool in the pan (isn't it?).
Put a few handfuls of raspberries - fresh or frozen - and some spoonfuls of sugar in a pan. Simmer on the stove for awhile, until a nice syrup forms from the berry juices and the sugar.
Whip the whipping cream, a dash of almond extract, and however much sugar you like until they're fluffy and delicious.
Once cooled, turn the torte out of its plan and serve with cream and reduction. Feel happy.*

*SPECIAL HANUKKAH EDITION: Cut cooled torte into small squares. Dip squares into doughnut batter. Fry. Serve with cream and reduction. Feel really happy. Feel happy. Feel sick.
Feel regret.