It's kind of hard to believe. Today, after eighteen years of hard work, my best friend/number one partner in crime/favorite little sister. ever. (and I don't say that about just anyone) turns 
*drum roll please* 
Since she's new to the whole being 18 thing, I'm going to give her a quick rundown of the 18 most exciting things about being 18.

Five, now that you're officially old you can:

Buy spray paint!
Sue people!
Get sued by people!
Get married!
Get divorced!
Adopt a child!
(ideally not in that order)
   Get a Costco membership!
Become a flight attendant!
Purchase Nicorette gum!
Work at Walmart!
Buy a monkey!
Get a tattoo!
Carry a weapon!
Drive an ice cream truck!
(unfortunately this would require you actually getting your driver's license)
Rent a porta potty!
Buy nitrous oxide!
Work at a gas station!

I know what you're thinking. This seems to good to be true, right? And while being able to buy spray paint is pretty awesome, it's important to remember that with power comes great responsibility. So, to end this birthday missive, I leave you with a special birthday haiku.

Finally eighteen
One word: culpability
You best watch yourself