Chain rxn

Life in Denver has been fraught with unexpected consequences. The results of these little chain-reactions aren't bad, just unforeseen (though also

totally

predictable, as long as you're noggin is on straight). Take for instance our living situation. We planned to use Momo's house as a landing zone, a place to rest our heads for a moment before finding a place to truly call our own. But here we are, four months in, happy as clams, and feeling more settled in our "temporary housing" with each passing day. Or--also related to housing--there was the time when Momo and I bought almost an entire home's worth of furniture for the place Premal and I were *thisclose* to closing on,

but you know how that story ended

. This left us with an extra oh... 20-ish pieces of furniture--large pieces--and nowhere to put them. We ended up giving Momo's sunroom a little update, and the results are dreamy. Finally, I've learned that when a recipe calls for 5 egg-yolks it's best to figure out what to do with the accompanying whites beforehand. Otherwise you'll end up with vats of unappetizing translucent gunk crowding up your fridge until you get the wise idea to transform them into magical pavlovas. Which is exactly what I did.

I based mine off of

this one

from Ina Garten, though I opted for precious individual portions, as I find full-sized pavlovas a tad intimidating. Also, I lost my nerve and jacked up the heat to an uncouth 350 degrees f when they showed no signs of setting after 2.5 hours at the prescribed 180. Perhaps they were more golden than the Contessa would have liked, but they tasted sublime (and I prefer most things a shade or two darker--this is a reference to my husband). Finally, while berry compote is a perfect accompaniment to pavlova, I opted for Charity's caramel sauce, homemade spiced dark-chocolate ice cream, and a sprinkling of fresh raspberries. This was a very, very good idea. 

P.S.

THIS

 is my unofficial soundtrack for this gif

Left to rot.

I feel so bad for those lonely, pathetic, green tomatoes of October, shivering on the vine waiting for a frost to make them entirely irrelevant. If you have some, this is a great recipe for you. If you don't, this is also a great recipe. It tastes like early fall, it's beautiful and delicious. Since I try to be as veg/vegan as I can and Yoni loves a little meat now and again, the fact that it's vegan friendly with a meat option makes my husband happy. This is the same reason for the cilantro/basil substitution -- Yoni seems to be genetically predisposed to disliking cilantro and it's nice to have a little something green in there. The bread is from my all-time favorite bakery, Il Forno in the Bronx. I gained 3 pounds on the bag of bread I got there last time, but I had one loaf I froze. Even stale, it puts most other breads I've tried to shame. Yes, it's that good. It was the perfect accoutrements to the soup, making it kind of an American version of Zuppa di Pane, a Tuscan soup made with stale, crusty bread.

Bread, Corn, Onion and Green Tomato Chowder
4 medium sized green tomatoes, sliced in rounds or 1 medium can of tomatoes chopped
3 cups sweet corn (usually about 3 stalks, if it's fresh)
3 medium onions. Purple is pretty, but unnecessary
1/2 lbs greens. I used broccoli greens and rainbow chars, but whatever you have growing or available will do. Think lemony over bitter.
1 12 oz. bottle of pale ale
12 oz. apple juice or 1 1/2 cups apple sauce plus 2 tbsp maple syrup
12 oz. vegetable  or chicken broth
12 oz. water (if sauce juice is used)
Salt. Smoked paprika, tumric, and Thai chili paste to taste
Cilantro or Basil for a garnish
sausage (optional)

Add olive oil and a pinch of salt to the pan. Dice onions and add to hot oil. Sautee onions for 15 to 20 minutes on medium heat -- they should be browned and clear. Add other spices to taste -- about a half teaspoon a piece. To that, add the beer, broth and apple juice. Allow to simmer for 20-30 minutes. Add corn, tomatoes and greens. If you want it, add sausage at this point. Simmer for another 10 minutes. Pour over a few pieces of crusty bread. Garnish with molasses, basil or cilantro.

Good Mail

I got the sweetest letter today from Mercina. It came in a cheery zigzaggy envelope -- I think she folded it herself -- and was just brimming with the dearest sisterly affection. A perfect Canadian leaf slipped from the card when I opened it. I think I shall treasure it for a very long time.

Sitting in my kitchen and reading about my sister's feelings, written with black ink by her own delicate fingers, was so very tangible and satisfying. It unleashed a flood of memories from my own mission in Hungary -- what a wonderful, challenging and deeply meaningful chapter that was for me. I thought about the letters I wrote and received in Hungary, especially from my once and future Dave. I went back a read a few of his notes tonight. It is so sweet to remember how much we learned about each other from those many, heartfelt missives. Three kids and 8+ years of marriage later, I can see him even more clearly between the lines. 

I came home from Hungary just about 10 years ago, and I haven't written nearly enough letters since then. Email is so easy. The concise efficiency of text messaging is a dream come true for those of us who can't have a five minute conversation when an hour would do. I can say hi to everyone I know with a quick click on Facebook. Sometimes, I even blog! And I'm not going to apologize for la-la-loving all that easy, cheap communication. But I'm not going to apologize for loving a good old fashioned letter with a stamp about a million times more. I'm going to try to indulge in them more often...

5 signs that s/he might be "The One"

Dearest People,

I had the opportunity to meet with a group of high school kids from some tough schools as part of Chicago Ideas Week. They were great: smart and engaged. They had just heard my story, but what made their eyes go wide was my husband. The girls and the boys were stunned that a guy would not only stay through a surgery, but marry someone going in the shadow and valley of death. It made me realize that I have never really posted about what I feel made mine and Yoni's relationship work and what as women we should expect from the men around us. So here are a few things I think were really essential for me and Yoni during our relationship:

1. Neither of us expected it would turn into anything. You know that feeling. You've met a guy and you're pretty sure they're "the one". You match up on paper, you're terribly attracted to him and you've had a sneaky suspicion or a testimony that this is the man you are eventually going to marry. Yoni and I were friends and knew each other for 2 years before we began to date. Once we did, I had a few signs that Yoni might be the man I was supposed to spend my life with and I took NONE of them seriously. We were very different people and even if we were falling in love, the complicating factors were too vast to reconcile. This fact removed any stress from the relationship. We were able to be our selves anf from the beginning we got to know one another instead of being distracted by trying to be the person we thought the other person wanted us to be. Which brings me to point two.

2. Be honest. This doesn't mean telling him each and every family secret on the first date, but as soon as I realized I liked and was getting ready to actually love Yoni, I let him know very clearly what my values were, what my relationship with faith was, how complicated my family was and how serious my disease was. The last thing I was interested in was falling in love with a man who wasn't able to accept that.

3. Know your non-negotiables and be consistent.  I'm not talking about tall, dark and handsome. I knew Yoni and I had very different upbringings so I knew I couldn't just expect him to know what was acceptable to me and what wasn't. He actually asked me very early on in our relationship because ... well, because he was a nice person, he loved me and he wasn't  interested in hurting me. I sent him a list of behavior and benchmarks -- of things that would have to happen if we were to continue our courtship and things that I was not going to engage in before I was married to someone. I think there was definitely a time where he wanted to figure out what he could get away with. But as time went on, he held to the rules I set as firmly as I did. We also had a clear idea of what progress we needed to make if we were going to continue a relationship.

4. Make sure your non-negotiables are compatible or the same. One of the biggest problems in marriages is when people have different and deeply held objectives and goals. Maybe you want tons of kids and the person you're dating doesn't want any. Maybe you have deeply held religious beliefs and your partner can't stand religion. Maybe you want a partner who will be an active part of home life and they have a big career that keeps them very busy. Figure these things before hand. Do some serious soul searching and figure out what you are really willing to compromise on and what you know you will regret in 10 or 20 years. When you're doing this, talk to your friends and your family. They know you as well as anyone. The cloud of love can be quite intoxicating and their advice and guidance can be invaluable. Even if you don't take all of it -- you're looking to marry you're partner, not your mom and your mom might never "get it" -- but see what underlying values you are willing to compromise on and what is sacred. Once you figure out what that second group is, don't compromise. If you do, you'll resent your self and your partner for it.

5. Forgive. There was recently a study on why people get divorced and why people stay together. What they found was married and divorced couples had the exact same problems but some people decided to stay together and some people didn't. There are certainly situations where divorce or leaving someone is absolutely justified and necessary. No one should be subjected to abuse, violence or addiction and sometimes, friends need help and support in leaving an abusive relationship. No one should judge someone else if they leave because of infidelity. In the same breath, no one should judge if someone doesn't leave in the face of infidelity.  Forgiveness is the basis of all love and of all meaningful relationships. I am certainly not the most gifted in this one -- ask Yoni -- but Love Story was totally off. Love  is kissing and making up. It is being willing to admit you're wrong. It's being willing to forgive when people don't admit it and it's the commitment to make things work despite the 101 reasons it shouldn't. Without practicing this element of true love multiple times a day, a relationship will never survive. With it, love can last for eternity. 

Half Moon Bay

 

When I was 5-6, we lived in Califorrnia in a suburb of San Francisco called Burlingame.  Two of the most clear memories I have come from days spent in Half Moon Bay. While others might think of "The Birds," for me it will always be the Land of Eternal Autumn. It brings to mind picking pumpkins, cutting down our Christmas tree and gazing in terrified awe upon the vastness of the ocean. Whenever you go, the weather seems to be the same: a sweater is nice to have, but not necessary. The place is reminiscence. Where better to spend a few hours with two of my dearest friends (more about them here and here) while Yoni and I were traveling from one performance to another? I couldn't think of a place. It was really lovely.   

Multitasking

Sorry I've been absent lately. I've been a little swamped.

I actually do have my hands full.

I have about six half-written aspirationally-profound blog posts, but I just can't get my act together to finish them right now. So, instead, I'm posting a picture of me and a baby and a baby crocodile, and cutting and pasting an excerpt from my last letter to Mercina. Which is actually a little funny, because often when I write to Mercina, I cut and paste from the blog. Hmmmmm... 

****

Mimo got home this afternoon from a week in Budapest, and I went to pick her up from airport. Since I had to go all the way to Dulles, I made plans last week to spend the day with friends at the Air and Space Museum annex, to feed Hettie's surprisingly long-lived, (Tom-fueled), obsession with becoming an astronaut. But then the government shut down, and it took the museum along for the ride. So instead I got in touch with my old Yale roomie, Lindsay, who now lives in Leesburg. Even though she's a million months pregnant, she's a total sweetheart and sent me the name of a restaurant between her place and the airport where we could spend a couple hours catching up. At the appointed hour, the kids and I were waiting and SO eager to see her. And she sent a txt "I'm here!" And I sent one back "me too!" But neither of us saw the other. Which actually made perfect sense because we were in different branches of the same restaurant 30 minutes apart. And it was my bad. And at that point, neither of us had the time or energy to schlep our impressive entourages over to where the other one was. We're going to try again next week....

On the bright side, I was right next to a MicroCenter, and Dave had desperately wanted me to pick up an Ethernet cable so he could finally mount a TV in our kitchen. So I trundled the kids over there, and we found it, and while I was standing in line, the guys in front and behind me both together started lecturing me about how I should really buy it online at a place called monoprice.com, because it would save me $40 and I could get it in any color I wanted rather than the bright blue that the store carried (and I actually just checked right now and they were totally right), so I called Dave and he said to abort mission. Which was annoying.  

We headed over to the airport, and I was worried because I just knew I was going to have a hard time finding Mimo, and she would end up frustrated and in a cab (it's happened before!). So I called around to make sure I had the right number for the friend who was flying with Mimo. It turned out that I had the right phone number, but the wrong flight information -- they arrived an hour LATER than I'd been told (which would have given me plenty of time to connect with Lindsay). But by this point, we were already right next to the airport and Phinny and Willa were asleep in their car seats, so we just waited.  

BUT. Once they finally did land, actually connecting was really quite painless. And Mimo was just brimming with sweetness. And we had the nicest trip home.

(Except for a quick squat-pot on the side of the 66 during rush hour traffic.

That actually wasn't the best...)  

And I realize this is all very rambling. But I just thought I'd share, because, really, it was a wonderful day. I had such a nice lunch with the kiddies, and at least 3 or 4 people came over and told me how darling and well-mannered they are. sometimes that really is just heaven to hear. And even sitting in the car at the gas station was genuinely fun. Hettie and I had the nicest chat about life. She is such a charming, intelligent little girl, and sometimes it's hard to find a quiet minute just to see what's going on inside her sweet little brain. And during our many long car rides, she and Phinny sang along to ALL the songs on the latest

Sandra Boynton CD

that Momo gave them -- it really might be the cutest thing ever. my heart wants to burst just thinking about it. 

Sometimes the weird crazy days with lots of disappointment and wasted time end up being surprisingly satisfying. Because there is something about being anxiously engaged that is inherently valuable, regardless of the outcome of your labors.  

And it's important to have priorities -- of course it would have been NICE to spend the day at the museum, and to see Lindsay, and to get the TV finally working and maybe to hit up the outlet stores rather than sit in a parking lot... BUT the most important thing was to get Mimo home in a spirit of love and appreciation, and also to spend some meaningful time with the kids. And on those two accounts, the day was a mad success. 

Moderation

Things I tend to over-indulge in:

Oh. And also:

As the term suggests, it's best not to overindulge in things. Sometimes it's easier to avoid doing so than others (for example, when your brother changes the Netflix password and doesn't tell you what it is, you don't watch a lot of Netflix; when your brother brings you an entire jar of Nutella to store in your room, you (or at least I) eat a lot of Nutella). I recently made a big gain in my fight against excessive tendencies by imposing a limit on my Facebooking with a handy dandy little Google Chrome app called StayFocusd. Now, with only 10 minutes combined to spend on my least favorite favorite social networking site and a variety of other time-gobbling websites every day, I find I have a lot more time to waste in other ways -- like listening to this or walking here or stealing one of these and painting it white and hanging all my necklaces on it. Anyway, it's past my bedtime, but I guess what I'm trying to say is this: there are a lot of cool random things to do, so don't spend all your pennies in one machine, yoooooo.

night night sleep tight,