Pants. Bag.

Recently, I've been seeing a lot of tutorials (meaning -- I looked up a lot of tutorials to give context to this post), and I thought 'Hey! I have a blog! I can show people how to do some of the cool things I do!' Then I thought about the cool things I do. It took awhile, because there are a lot of them. 

'How to Make One of the Many Pairs of Hospital Scrubs Which Randomly Appear in Your Room and You Occasionally Wear in Public into a Laundry Bag'

First things first, you've got to select the scrubs. This can be hard, so here are some guidelines:

No things that aren't scrubs. Why? Think of it this way -- Can you fit scrubs inside skinny jeans? No. Can you fit skinny jeans and also an entire load of laundry inside scrubs? Yes? How cool!

Now that we've gone over what not to do, lets look at a good choice for our scrubs-laundry bag.

Perfect!

Great job selecting an appropriate pair of scrubs! Here's where it gets hard.

Tying a knot in the bottom of the scrubs:

First, arrange the end of the left scrub pant leg by you hand (if you must, you can arrange the right end by your foot, but then you'll have to reach down in the next step)

Next, grip 2" of the end of the pant leg firmly in you hand

In a clockwise motion, loop the pant leg around itself (it sounds complicated, but it will get easier with practice). You should have about 7" in the loop.

Guide the end through the little hole you've created in the line of the pant leg

Re-grip 1" of the end, and pull tight

Repeat with the right pant leg (it will be easier this time).

Phew! Over with the tough part!!! Now all that's left is to fill them up!

Filling the pant-bag:

Simply take the rest of your laundry and shove it down each leg until the scrubs are stuffed like a whale at underwater-Bennigan's all-you-can-eat-krill night.

In addition to being stylish, this bag also makes carrying laundry a breeze. Simply position the pants' crotch on your shoulder (it should occasionally graze your ear).

*Once you get some practice, you can tie your scrubs right out of the dryer/off the line and stuff them then and there!

I'm kind of the best aunt. Ever.

This morning One asked if I would be willing to watch her munchkins while she ran some errands. And you wanna know what Princess H, Tiny and I did while mommy was shopping? We ate homemade ice cream sandwiches (think ginger cookies and salted caramel ice cream...yum!), raspberry mousse, rice ice cream, lemon ricotta cheesecake, sprinkles and plums. How's that for a balanced diet?

We were having so much fun that Five and brother Z decided to join us--and our little binge turned into a legit ice cream social. 

You should be jealous. 

I don't even think I have to tell you that I'm kind of the best aunt (and perhaps worst babysitter). Ever.

Stella Cake

 Last week I discovered this exquisite cake. What can I say? I was smitten. It was just so beautiful. And I wanted it. So, I did what any self respecting baker would do; I attempted to recreate it. And I wanted it to be perfect. I mean really, truly perfect. Well, it was a lot harder than I anticipated...and the end result wasn't perfect.... But even though my attempt was flawed, it still looked pretty good--and tasted even better! 


Here's the scoop: I used this recipe from apollinas.com as inspiration, but the most exceptional part of the cake is how you decorate it! So, feel free to pick and choose different parts of the recipe, employ your favorite white frosting instead of theirs, or even *gasp* use a cake mix!  (I wish I had...it would have saved me a lot of angst...)

Ingredients

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature, plus more for the pans
• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled, plus more for the pans



grated zest of 2 oranges
grated zest of two lemons
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 3 large eggs, room temperature
• 1 cup whole milk
• Blood oranges (or grapefruit), regular oranges, lemons, limes sliced to arrange on top of the cake
• fresh mint, also to arrange on top of the cake

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350°F. Butter two 8″, 9″ or 10″ round cake pans, line the bottoms with parchment, butter again, and dust with flour, tapping out the excess. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; set aside.
2. Using an electric (or hand mixer -that’s all I have at the moment!), beat the butter and sugar on medium-high until fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes.  Mix in the grated zest of the oranges and lemons.  Beat in the vanilla, then the eggs one at a time, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary.
3. Reduce mixer speed to low. Add the flour mixture in 3 additions and the milk in 2 additions, beginning and ending with the flour mixture. Mix just until combined (don’t over mix).
4. Divide the batter equally between the prepared cake pans, leveling the top of each with a large spoon or rubber spatula.  Bake until a toothpick from the center of the cake comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes for 8-inch pans, 22 to 25 minutes for 9-inch pans and 20 to 22 minutes for a 10 inch pan.  Cool the cakes in the pans for 15 minutes, then turn out onto racks to cool completely.  (After they cooled, I wrapped and froze my cakes until the next day).

Transfer one of the cooled cakes to a plate and spread with the lemon curd. Top with the remaining cake and refrigerate to set, 30 minutes. Then frost the rest of the cake!

Lemon Curd Filling (adapted from RealSimple)

Ingredients

• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon finely grated lemon zest
• 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
• pinch salt
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces

Directions

1. In a heatproof bowl, whisk together the eggs, sugar, lemon zest and juice, and salt. Add the butter. Set the bowl over (not in) a saucepan of simmering water and cook, whisking constantly, until the mixture has thickened (like the consistency of mayonnaise), 12 to 15 minutes. 
2. Pour the mixture through a fine-mesh sieve into a medium bowl.  Place a piece of parchment or wax paper directly on the surface of the lemon curd and refrigerate until completely cool, at least 2 hours and up to 2 days.

Fresh Orange Lemon Frosting

Ingredients

• 2 cups (4 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 2 tablespoons finely grated lemon zest
• 2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
• 1 pound confectioners’ sugar (about 3 3/4 cups), sifted
• pinch salt

Directions

1. Using an electric mixer, beat the butter and lemon zest on high until light and fluffy, 3 to 5 minutes.  Add the orange juice.  Reduce mixer speed to low. Gradually add the sugar, then the salt, and beat until smooth, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary.  Ice the cake! 

The First Rule of Fish Club

The sun cut through my curtains burning my eyelids, and the morning was filled with heat you could feel like a wet towel slapped across your back.  Sleep stared at me from my pillow, seducing me back into its folds.  She is my lover and my foe, her soft embrace brings solace and pleasure, but then dream turns to incubus, and I know if I do not leave I will stay trapped for a long while more.  But today, day slapped me to life, and the bay called my name. There were fish to be caught.

If I had a wagon I would go to Colorado

photo credit tiny pineapple

I know it's not my day to post.  But with everything that's going on in our lives right now, I really wish I could be back home in Colorado with the rest of the sister's Five.  

I love you ladies!

Eat Awesomeness: Mutatoes, by Uli westphal

I have a new favorite photo-activist.  Meet Uli.  He wants to bring attention to food safety, food waste and genetically modified food.  Through his art, he wants to remind people that food should be like people - unique and beautiful and different.  Here he is, in his own words.

Not Sweet

I like this blog, but it's been a little sweet lately. Crafts and delicious food and friends and poems are alright and all, but there's only so much of that that I can handle. So please take some makes-you-feel-like-a-bad-person joy in the following links:

How to Tick People Off
some of my favorites:
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
Ask people what gender they are.
Sing along at the opera.


and


List of Unusual Deaths
some of my favorites (don't you dare judge me)
207 BC: Chrysippus died of laughter after giving his donkey wine then seeing it attempt to eat figs.
1814: On October 17th [my birthday!], 9 people died when 323,000 gallons of beer burst their vats and gushed into the streets of London.
1940: Marcus Garvey died as a result of two strokes after reading a negative premature obituary of himself.
1974: Basil Brown, a 48-year-old health food advocate, drank himself to death with carrot juice.
1991: Carl Hulsey, 77, was butted to death by a pet goat he had been training to act as a "guard dog".
1998: An entire visiting soccer team playing against Basanga was killed by lightning during a match. Everyone on Basanga, the home team, survived.
2010: Jimi Heselden, owner of Segway, was killed when he accidentally drove off a cliff on a Segway at his estate and drowned.
2011: Jose Luis Ochoa, 35, died after being stabbed in the leg at a cockfight by one of the birds that had a knife attached to its limb.